Dirty Little Secret Read online

  Dedication

  For you, Mom.

  Thanks for all your support, pride, love, and faith in me. It means everything. I love you.

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Chapter Forty

  Chapter Forty-One

  An Excerpt from Restless Rancher Chapter One

  About the Author

  Also by Jennifer Ryan

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  Prologue

  Six years ago

  Clark County Fair and Rodeo, Nevada

  Roxy leaped off her horse, landed in the dirt, and tried to contain the smile that spread across her face for the man sitting in the stands staring right at her. His smile, the pride in his eyes, made her heart simultaneously swell with joy and drown in sorrow.

  John came, but he wouldn’t speak to her. Not here, where others could see them together and possibly connect the dots that she was his daughter. A child no one knew about. A child he’d never expected and didn’t want.

  Her mother made sure of that.

  Roxy was doomed to be an outcast before she was ever born.

  John came today to watch her barrel race on one of the horses he secretly sent to her. It’s why she practiced every day and rode so hard in competition. The little girl inside her wanted to make him proud. She wanted him to like and admire her.

  She wanted him to stand up and say, “That’s my girl!”

  But in eighteen years, he’d never even come close to admitting that to anyone.

  These little glimpses of him and what could have been broke her heart. As much as Roxy wanted her father to love her enough to keep her, she wanted him to stay away.

  “You won!” Sonya wrapped her in a hug.

  “Again!” Juliana scrunched her mouth into a pretty pout. As much as she wanted Roxy to win, she wanted to beat her, too. Little sisters were like that.

  Adria hugged her, then held her at arm’s length. “He came.” She glanced over at John. “And so did your sexy brother.”

  “He’s not my brother.” Technically he was her stepbrother by marriage. John had raised him as his own after Noah’s mother suddenly died.

  The son he always wanted.

  Noah, the man sitting beside him, who got to call him Dad, who knew John as a good and decent man, knew nothing about her. Noah and Annabelle, his adopted children, got his love and devotion every day. They grew up with the life she could have had if only John had fought for her and revealed his dirty little secret.

  “Noah’s got the best ass in denim in this whole damn place.”

  “Don’t swear,” Roxy scolded Juliana, though she couldn’t disagree with the statement.

  The girl was growing up way too fast. At fifteen, she looked twenty-one. And men noticed.

  Here, everyone stared at the notorious Wild Rose girls. If they hadn’t entered their first rodeo in Nevada and won in spectacular fashion, maybe no one would have linked them to the infamous Wild Rose Ranch brothel located in a little town outside of Las Vegas—where prostitution was legal and their mothers worked.

  It didn’t matter that Roxy and her sisters didn’t work there.

  When Roxy and her sisters showed up at a rodeo, every eye in the place turned to them. The buzz of whispers spread, letting everyone know the girls from the Wild Rose Ranch had arrived to ride.

  Many a cowboy had mistaken what they came to ride.

  When they went to a rodeo, it was for the competition and winning.

  It didn’t seem to matter that they were in their teens. Their Wild Rose Ranch—We Ride Hard T-shirts sparked all kinds of cowboy fantasies.

  Yes, they used the provocative name. They wanted to make it their own and be proud of it. They wanted where they came from to mean something more.

  They wanted their little legitimate piece of the Ranch.

  They were the best. She and her sisters had proven that again today. After all, Roxy may have just won the grand prize, but her sisters were in second, third, and fourth place right behind her.

  They dominated.

  A man whistled out to them. No matter how many wins, they were still perceived as those girls from the Wild Rose Ranch.

  Which is why her father remained in the stands, a safe distance from her and any chance of rumors.

  “Why don’t you just walk up to Noah and tell him who you are?” Juliana nudged her with her elbow.

  “He stares at you just like your father,” Adria pointed out.

  “Noah stares because he thinks we’re prostitutes.”

  Sonya laid her hand on Roxy’s shoulder. “Introduce yourself. Not as John’s daughter, but just you.”

  “Why? What will that change? ‘Hi, I’m Roxy.’ Then what?”

  “See what happens.” Adria smiled. “Ask about him. You know you want to know what his life is like living with your father.”

  “I know what his life is like with John. Everything my life wasn’t.” John always sent the checks, but when she was really young her mother used the money to support her habit before she remembered to take care of Roxy.

  She bet Noah was never ridiculed for being on the free lunch program at school. She bet he never had to root through trash in the cafeteria to scrounge up extra food for the weekend because there was no food in the house. He didn’t grow up with cocaine dusting the table where he did his homework, or have to step over trash and used needles to get to the couch that smelled of stale cigarette smoke and pot. He probably never had to wear shoes a size too small and pants three inches too short because there wasn’t any money for new clothes.

  Noah didn’t know what it was like to hide in a cupboard or closet when strange men came over. He didn’t know how creepy and scary it was to have a strange man grab you and make you sit on his lap, his hold too tight, his face too close.

  No, he didn’t know that kind of fear.

  He didn’t know how it felt to have a mother named Candy, who had a body made for sin and used it to make a living. Only Roxy’s sisters knew how it felt for people to look at you and think the worst because of who and what your mother was, because their mothers worked at the Wild Rose Ranch, too.

  Noah didn’t know anything. He lived his perfect life free of scandal and ostracism.

  And that’s how John wanted to keep it.

  “It’s time to go. Let’s collect our prize money, load up the horses, and get the hell out of her
e.”

  Roxy led her horse away and kept her back to her father and Noah. She didn’t want to think about what might have been anymore. She’d spent countless hours and sleepless nights doing that.

  Her life hadn’t been all that bad the last ten years. Not since Candy moved them out of the last grungy apartment to the Wild Rose Ranch.

  Roxy liked the cozy house away from the big mansion.

  She didn’t mind being on her own with the girls who had become her sisters.

  She didn’t mind being alone in the world.

  She didn’t, she told herself again.

  But just once she’d like one of her parents to choose her.

  She’d like someone to choose her.

  Chapter One

  Six years later

  Speckled Horse Ranch, Whitefall, Montana

  John Cordero slumped in the saddle, fell off his horse, and landed in a heap in the dirt and tall grass as the horse danced away.

  Shocked, Noah jumped off his horse and kneeled beside his stepdad. “John? John, are you okay?”

  John moaned and rolled to his side. A fine sheen of sweat covered his rugged face, now sickly pale. His unfocused eyes filled with pain. “I have to tell you . . .”

  “Is anything broken? Where do you hurt?”

  John grabbed Noah’s arm. “I’m okay. Need to tell you . . .” John closed his eyes and tried to catch his breath.

  Noah tamped down his panic and worries. A moment ago, they’d been sitting atop their horses on the overlook staring at the long expanse of Speckled Horse Ranch spread out before them. Now, Noah grabbed John’s hands and pulled him up to sitting, hoping the weakness he felt in John didn’t mean something serious. “I need to get you home and to a hospital.” Noah’s mind went to a stroke or heart attack, neither of which he wanted to be true.

  John’s limbs remained limp, his body unsteady. Noah went around to John’s back, squatted, wrapped his arms around John’s middle, and lifted him up to his feet. “Come on, old man, help me out.”

  John reached for the saddle pommel.

  Noah held him in place with his shoulder, reached down, grabbed his jean-clad leg, and helped him put his boot in the stirrup. It took all Noah’s strength to lift and push John into the saddle. Before John could topple down again, Noah swung up behind him.

  Lucky for him, the horse took their combined weight without throwing them both off.

  Noah grabbed the reins and hooked one hand around John to keep him steady. “You okay?”

  “This is damn embarrassing.”

  “You’ll get over it.” Noah nudged the horse to head home and kept their pace brisk, even though he wanted to gallop. “Hold tight. We’ll be there soon.”

  John placed his hand over Noah’s on his stomach. “You run this place well.” A man of few words, John didn’t say things he didn’t mean.

  The praise stunned Noah. “I learned from the best.” Noah tried to pull John up, but John slumped forward again.

  “I’m a difficult man, set in my ways. Rode you harder than any of the ranch hands.”

  That he did. No sense arguing the truth.

  Noah had resented John’s relentless drive when he was young. He had more than a few moments where he believed John thought he couldn’t do anything right. But John sprinkled just enough praise and encouragement along the way to remind Noah that John wanted him to be the best and a partner he could count on.

  Noah owed John so much, so he’d worked hard to earn his place on Speckled Horse Ranch at John’s side.

  “Your mother was a good woman. She loved you. Loved me, even though I never made it easy.”

  “She was happy here.” Thinking about his mother always made him sad. She had married John when Noah was two. Four years later, she died from complications due to an ectopic pregnancy. “I don’t remember her well, but I still miss her.” The admission didn’t come easy.

  John’s big body trembled with the effort to stay upright in the saddle. His skin turned a sickly gray. Noah wondered if all this talk about the ranch and his mother meant John wanted to join her in heaven.

  The thought stopped his heart. They couldn’t cover the ride down the hill and across the wide pasture fast enough.

  “Beth was happy here. I was happy with her,” John confided.

  When Noah’s mother died, John sat him down in his study and told him straight out that no matter what, he’d stay on the ranch. From that day on, even though he was only a boy of six, John had taught him how to run the ranch, working day in and day out side by side. Noah had no other family. He couldn’t lose the only father he’d ever known.

  “After I lost Beth . . . well, no one could replace her. I tried but never found that kind of connection. So I settled. Lisa played to my ego. She made me feel young and alive again. But that all changed almost the minute we got married.”

  Noah hadn’t liked Lisa the second he’d met her. The feel of the house changed the instant she moved in, and he never got that sense of his mother and home back. Lisa’s presence, the way she changed this and redecorated that, sucked out the last reminders of Noah’s mom.

  She wanted the place to feel like her home, too, but the callous way she went about it stung.

  He also resented Lisa for the way she treated John and their marriage, leaving him when times got tough. It left John even more closed off and disheartened.

  Noah still didn’t understand why they had married when they both carried on a string of affairs neither of them spoke about and tried to hide despite the other knowing.

  Noah would never forget the look in John’s eyes when they stood outside the hospital nursery window looking in at Annabelle. He’d never seen anyone look so disappointed, and even more unbelievable, hurt. John never let it show that anything got through his thick skin, but seeing that squalling blond-haired, blue-eyed baby put that hurt in his golden eyes like Noah had never seen. To this day, although John always treated Annabelle with nothing but kindness, Noah sometimes caught him looking at her with that same hurt in his eyes.

  Noah, young and uncertain about having a stepsister, hadn’t understood the look until days later when they brought Annabelle home and he’d overheard John and Lisa’s heated argument in their room that night. One look at Annabelle’s bright blond hair and blue eyes had told John what all of Lisa’s protests to the contrary didn’t. Annabelle wasn’t his daughter, but the product of one of the many affairs Lisa kept quiet, but hadn’t managed to keep secret.

  While John accepted Annabelle, even loved her in his own way, he’d never forgiven Lisa. Not for the affair, but the undeniable proof that he’d been unable to get her pregnant himself after years of trying.

  Noah remained silent on the subject. He focused on the ride, wishing for one of the guys from the stables to come out, see them coming, and help him with John.

  “I don’t know why I married her. After your mother and the baby . . .” John ran his hand over his black hair that had grown more salt and pepper these last years. “I wanted another child.” John squeezed his hand hard. “Don’t get me wrong, you were a good son. I’m the only son to parents who had little family when I was born. Don’t know if any of them are still around. I just wanted my name, my blood, to be here long after I’m gone.”

  Noah, still reeling from hearing John say he was a good son, high praise from a man who doled out very few compliments or niceties, understood the man’s need for a legacy.

  At thirty-one, Noah had been contemplating his lonely-looking future and wondering if it wasn’t time to find a wife, have some kids, and make a family of his own. Without any good examples of a happy marriage and with a string of flings under his belt, he often wondered if he could make a relationship work.

  Hell, who was he kidding, he’d learned from John, never let a woman get under your skin. He ended his last relationship because Cheryl wanted more than he was willing to give. Judging by the number of voicemails and text messages Cheryl left on his cell phone, she wasn’t
ready to give up on him.

  John expected some kind of answer, so Noah said, “I understand. You took care of me, sent me to college, and gave me a job and a life here on the ranch, even though I’m not your son. I appreciate everything you’ve done. A lot of men, my father included, would have dumped an unwanted child.” He knew little about his own father, who cheated on his mother while she was pregnant with him. She divorced him and his father took his freedom and never looked back.

  “You were never unwanted,” John replied, his voice gruff. “No matter my shortcomings as a parent, never think I didn’t want you here. You reminded me of myself at your age. You love ranching, the horses, the life. I enjoyed teaching you, seeing you discover new things. You wanted to follow in my footsteps. You put that college degree to work, changed things here and there, and helped make this place what it is today.”

  A lump formed in Noah’s throat.

  John broke the silence that settled between them. “I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve done. Most you know about, but some, well, I’ve kept a few things to myself. I have lots of regrets. One that is too late to make right. I hurt her because I was a coward, concerned about my reputation instead of protecting her.”

  Noah had no idea who or what John was talking about.

  “Listen, son, what I’m trying to say is that soon this will belong to you.”

  Noah’s heart sank. He hoped that day wasn’t today, but feared John’s heavy weight against his chest meant something dire.

  “I have things I want to say.” John sucked in several quick breaths. “Things. I. Need to tell you.” He struggled to get the words out.

  “John, please, stop talking. We’re almost there. I’ll get you to a doctor.”

  John winced in pain and leaned heavily to the side. It was all Noah could do to hold him up and against his chest.

  “I need to get this out. You run this ranch, but you don’t know . . . everything. Promise you’ll take care of her. She’s never had anyone.”

  “I promise. Annabelle will be fine.”

  John’s head bobbed forward and up several times. “No. I need to tell you about . . .” John’s words trailed off and his whole body went lax.