The Me I Used to Be Page 9

  He’d exchanged worn faded denim for a dark wash; a simple colored T-shirt for a red button-down, open at the collar; and his go-to denim jacket for a black blazer. He’d cut and combed his hair. No more wild curls. He had a polished look that went with the catalogue model he was with. Maybe it was her doing, cleaning him up, making him shine like the face of a new penny. Didn’t mean the tarnish wasn’t still hidden on the other side, right there in his personality.

  He opened the car door for his lunch date. She slipped inside. Then his gaze came up and collided with Evangeline’s. He said something to the woman, closed her door, and walked across the street toward her. Long confident strides brought him right in front of her. His gaze ran over her face and landed on the scars for a few seconds too long. His quick glance at the rest of her illuminated his eyes with just how surprised he was to see her.

  “I can’t believe it’s you.”

  “In the flesh.”

  “You look the same. But different.”

  “I was going to say the same about you. You look sharp.”

  He held the tailored jacket lapels out wide. “I got a new job a while back at one of the wineries. Cross Cellars.” He preened, impressed with himself. “Wine tastings and events.”

  The job seemed too upscale for the beer-guzzling guy she used to know. But . . . “You were always the life of the party. You’re great at getting everyone to have a good time.” And forgetting everything else.

  “I kind of fell into the job. Turns out I’ve got a taste for wine and distinguishing the different notes and characteristics. I’ve been trained as a sommelier. The job is fun, pays well, and it’s interesting. Lots of people and opportunities to explore.”

  She nodded across the street at the BMW. “Looks like you’re doing well.”

  He shrugged that off, his interest solely on her. He had a way of doing that so you felt like the center of his world. For a while, she’d reveled in it.

  “What about you? When did you get out?”

  “Friday. Just in time for my father’s funeral.”

  Darren raked his hand through his hair. “I heard about that. Man, I’m sorry. It must be rough after what happened. You’ve been gone so long, though it seems like yesterday since I saw you.”

  Maybe for him. Four years in a cell seemed like an eternity to her. Which showed how little he thought about how that time had affected her.

  Darren and what the two of them shared seemed like a lifetime ago, but she kept things light, instead of wasting her time on something and someone who didn’t really matter to her anymore. “It’s been a minute.”

  Darren glanced over his shoulder. “Listen, I’ve got to get going, but I’d love to get together and catch up. We need to talk.”

  She tilted her head and frowned. “It’s nice to see you, but I can’t imagine what we have to talk about after all this time.”

  He stepped closer. “Whatever you might think, I have missed you. You were there one minute and gone the next. You didn’t answer my letters.”

  Three letters filled with questions about what happened, a few lines about what he was doing, but barely a word about him missing her, that he wanted see her, or even that he still loved her. Not a single statement that he didn’t believe she’d done it.

  “You simply disappeared from my life.”

  She tilted her head, surprised by the resentment mixed with a lot of sorrow. And amazingly, he still made what happened to her about him. “I went to prison. What did you expect?”

  Everything about him changed in a second. His hands fisted at his sides and his jaw locked. “That shouldn’t have happened. You didn’t even try to get out of it.”

  “I got busted with stolen goods. Kind of hard to say I didn’t do it when they caught me red-handed.”

  He relaxed all at once. “We’ll talk about it later. I really have to go. My friend is waiting.” Darren hooked his hand behind her neck, drew her in before she knew his intent, and kissed her forehead. “God, I can’t believe you’re here. Now. And looking fantastic.” This time the sweep of his gaze over her blazed with interest, like his mind had finally caught up to the reality of her being home, and he wanted to step back in time to when they were together.

  Though she remembered those early months, filled with hot kisses and even hotter nights in his strong arms, she didn’t want to go back.

  She knew better now. Even if she didn’t know exactly what she wanted, she knew it wasn’t him.

  He released her, slowly sliding his hand across her cheek. “I’ll see you soon.”

  And just like that he walked away, back to his car and the woman waiting for him.

  She let him go as easily as she’d done all those years ago.

  Chapter Eleven

  Evangeline stood on the sidewalk outside Jill’s picturesque house, a small cottage with large windows on each side of the navy-blue door. White pots overflowing with pretty yellow flowers complemented the white clapboard siding. The garden areas beneath the windows were filled with glossy green-leafed plants and pink and white flowers. The tidy green lawn sprawled on either side of the stamped cement path that looked like cobblestone. It suited Jill to a tee.

  When her friend opened the door and stood on the porch with her baby in her arms, she looked the picture of motherhood and contentment, settled in her home and her life with a husband and baby. A family of her own.

  Evangeline felt even more adrift.

  “You going to stand out here all day, or come here and give your best friend a hug?”

  Evangeline walked up the path and the three steps to the tiny porch, and wrapped Jill in a hug, the baby tucked between them sound asleep. She whispered into Jill’s ear, “Thank you for sticking by me and keeping me sane the last four years. I love you.”

  Jill held her tighter. “I missed you. I’m so glad you’re home.”

  Embraced by someone who was actually happy to see her, she whispered, “I feel like I’m home now.”

  Jill touched her face and studied her eyes. “Are you okay?”

  “It wasn’t summer camp in the Sierras.” They’d had so much fun, camping, hiking, squealing on zip lines, and playing games when they were young. It seemed a lifetime ago. “But I survived.”

  “I’m sorry that’s the best you can say about it.”

  “I’m out. That’s all that matters.”

  Jill led her into the house. “I’m sorry we missed the funeral. Sean’s parents barely see the baby. I hated to cut our trip to Vermont short.”

  “I understand. You have a family now.”

  Jill had made a wonderful life for herself. Evangeline envied her friend and wanted the innate happiness in Jill’s whole being for herself.

  Someday.

  She hoped.

  The cozy living room had a brown leather sofa and chair, wood coffee and side tables, pretty mercury glass lamps, an entertainment unit, and bookcases filled with books—fairy tales mixed in with Jill’s romances now—and framed photos of Jill and her husband, baby Chloe, and Evangeline and Jill as kids. In one photo they had their arms draped over each other, ice-cream cones in hand, tall spirals of soft-serve, and their toothy grins and sun-kissed cheeks.

  She wished she could find that carefree fun-loving girl inside her again.

  Jill laid Chloe in the bouncy seat next to the sofa.

  “She’s beautiful, Jill. Your dark hair, Sean’s gray eyes. How is your hunky contractor?”

  “Working like a maniac on a new project.”

  “If it turns out half as good as this place, it’ll be amazing.”

  Jill beamed with a bright smile and pride. “You like it?”

  “I love it. It’s so you. Uncomplicated, and so pretty you just want to sit and stare at it.”

  Jill laughed. “Sean always says how much he likes it that I’m so laid-back. I think some of the other guys on his crew have demanding significant others.”

  Evangeline followed Jill into the kitchen/dining room combo wh
ile Chloe slept peacefully in the living room.

  “I appreciated so much that you gave me the benefit of the doubt even when I pled guilty to the charges.”

  “I never believed you would do something like that. Darren, on the other hand . . .”

  “I saw him today.”

  Jill took a pitcher of iced tea from the fridge and poured them each a glass. “Please tell me you’re not thinking about getting back together with him.”

  Evangeline took a seat at the counter bar. “Not a chance. He’s part of the past I’d like to forget.”

  “Good, because he’s changed. Thinks he’s big shit now that he’s working for one of those swanky wineries, cozying up to the corporate and tech types who come up here for weekend wine tasting and extravagant weddings and parties. He’s in his element, playing up to those folks, but there’s something about the way he does it that puts me off.”

  “I didn’t know you two kept in touch.”

  Jill rolled her eyes. “He popped up now and again when he saw me in town and asked about you.”

  That surprised her. “Really?”

  “Yeah. If he cared so much, why not get in contact with you himself?”

  “I cut everyone off, except you.”

  “Still, if it meant so much to him, he’d have kept trying. Right?”

  Evangeline agreed. Next time, she wanted someone who put her first. Someone who did things to make her happy.

  Jill took a sip of her tea. “He always wanted to know what I knew about what happened.”

  “Did you tell him anything?”

  Jill shook her head. “Everything you and I talked about on our calls and in our letters is in the vault. I wouldn’t say anything without your permission.”

  “Good. No one can know.” And how lucky was she to have a friend like Jill?

  “Is your mom still pissed?”

  Evangeline’s heart ached with the pain of her mother’s rejection. “My whole life I’ve never seen her this mad about anything.”

  “It’s the grief. She’s got to miss your dad terribly. I can’t imagine what I’d do without Sean, and we’ve only been married a couple years. They were together forever. Practically every memory she has includes your dad.”

  Evangeline could only imagine having someone in her life who loved her enough to want to make a lifetime of memories together.

  Jill’s happiness shined through. She’d found peace and contentment, settled in her little house with her beautiful family.

  When Evangeline got arrested, she’d been searching for more in her life. Prison put her life on hold. It would take time, but if she could get her business up and running, make some money, and find her own place to live—if her parole allowed it—it would go a long way to making her feel like she was on her way.

  To where, she didn’t know.

  But what Jill had seemed like a good thing to shoot for. A man who loved her. One who truly cared what happened to her and didn’t turn his back on her when things got tough.

  But who wanted an ex-con for a wife?

  How would he introduce her to his family? Meet Evangeline. She’s not as bad as her record states.

  Jill put her hand over Evangeline’s on the counter. “It will get better. It’s only been a few days. You’ll find your bearings.”

  “Charlie wants me to meet with the Warley reps.”

  “So meet with them. It doesn’t mean you have to go that route.”

  “He’s pushing. And he has a right to. It seems like whatever decision I make, someone is going to be angry.”

  “From what you told me on the phone the other night, they’re all mad at you. If you told them—”

  “No.” Evangeline refused to hurt her family more. “It’s only been a few days. Things will settle down now that the funeral is over. Things will get back to normal.”

  Jill raised an eyebrow. “Does anything feel normal to you anymore?”

  “You have a baby and a husband. When did you become an actual adult?”

  Jill laughed. “It just happened.”

  Evangeline nodded. “It’s a good life, Jill. You’re lucky.”

  “More than you can possibly know. That little girl, she lights up my whole world. Even as tired as I am sometimes, I wouldn’t trade a second of it.”

  Envy and jealousy—two things she’d never felt where Jill was concerned until she showed up here today—bloomed in her heart like a giant explosion she couldn’t stop or contain.

  Right now, Evangeline’s life sucked.

  Chloe woke up crying in the other room. Jill immediately came to attention and took a step to move around the counter.

  Evangeline held up her hand. “Let me get her. I’m dying to hold her.” She’d feed that jealous monster inside her with a little time spent holding the baby, because you couldn’t think of all your troubles when you were holding a beautiful little soul in your arms. You just couldn’t. Not if you had a heart. And hers had been beaten and battered for so long, she needed the healing power of a sweet, innocent, openly loving baby. Chloe was precious and loved and untainted.

  When Evangeline picked her up, Chloe smiled and babbled, sucking on her fist, trying to find her thumb. She stared into Chloe’s bright gray eyes and felt lighter.

  “Hello, there. I’m your mommy’s best friend. You and I are going to be best friends, too.”

  Jill rubbed her hand over Chloe’s dark hair. “Say, ‘Hi, Auntie.’”

  Chloe kicked and squealed.

  “You can put her on her play mat. I’ll get her food ready.”

  Evangeline sat on the floor and laid Chloe on the play mat with the padded arches overhead and dangling toys. Chloe awkwardly tried to pull them off and bat at them. Evangeline watched, rubbed her hands over Chloe, helped her roll over, and laughed when she kicked her tiny feet like she was swimming, though her chubby little body didn’t go anywhere. Soon she would.

  Just like Evangeline. Right now she was kicking, trying to get moving. Soon she’d find her strength and put the pieces of her life together until she was moving forward again.

  Chapter Twelve

  It took Evangeline three days to get her website just the way she wanted it and to set up the payment methods. Finally officially open for business, all she needed were some customers. Today she planned to contact a few of the smaller local businesses that maybe didn’t have the money or know-how to set up an online presence. If she could get them to try her services for a steep discount, she could use those businesses to show others just what she could do.

  A car pulled into the drive. She tried to focus on what she was doing, but found she couldn’t take her eyes off the sheriff’s department’s SUV. Her heart raced the closer it got. She caught her breath when Chris got out, decked out in full uniform, wearing a pair of dark glasses that hid his expression and any hint of why he was here. Again.

  Her mother stepped out onto the porch where Evangeline sat in the rocking chair working. “What did you do now?”

  She hadn’t seen her mother at all the last two days. She’d tried her best to stay out of sight and not make her mother upset. But she was getting really tired of her mom always accusing her of things she hadn’t done. “I haven’t left the ranch in three days. I didn’t do anything.”

  “God knows what kind of trouble you’re into with that computer. Did you hack some company and steal their money?”

  Evangeline rolled her eyes. “Yeah, Mom, I’m a notorious hacker and Chris is a cybercrimes expert here to take me down.”

  When Chris reached the bottom of the steps, he looked up at Evangeline’s mom. “Mrs. Austen. How are you?”

  Her mother ignored the pleasantries and asked, “What did she do now?”

  Chris glanced over at Evangeline. “Nothing that I know of.”

  Evangeline slammed the cover on her laptop. “Is everyone just waiting for me to do something so they can send me back to prison?”

  Mom glared, her ire rising with her sharp tone. “Wh
o knows what you’re doing? You spend hours on that computer doing God knows what.” Her mother’s hostility grew each and every day. If she didn’t calm down, she’d give herself a heart attack.

  “You wanted me to get a job and get out of here as soon as possible. I’m working on it.”

  Chris cut off whatever her mother wanted to say. “I have a job for you. Come with me.”

  She laid her hand on the computer and pressed her lips tight, afraid to think about what he wanted her to do. “I’m in the middle of something.”

  “Bring your laptop and whatever else you need for work.”

  Her mother studied Chris. “What is this really about?”

  “A job.” Chris offered no additional details.

  Evangeline left her spot on the porch where she’d perched for the view and the quiet. Neither helped to ease her mind or heart about what Chris really wanted from her. She picked up her phone and held her computer to her chest.

  “Give me your phone.” He held out his hand.

  Since he was a cop, and she had no choice, she slammed the phone into his palm and gave him a dirty look. The guards used to search her cell whenever they got a bug up their ass or wanted to harass her. They never found anything.

  This felt just as violating.

  “Go get your purse. You might be gone awhile.”

  She spun on her heel and went into the house to retrieve her purse and the messenger bag she’d bought to carry her laptop. She resented that Chris thought he could order her around and hated even more that she’d signed on the dotted line allowing him to do so.

  She walked out of the house and down the steps, feeling as hostile as her mother had been toward her moments ago.

  Chris handed her phone back. “I put my work and cell number in there. You can call me anytime, day or night.”

  “Why would I call you?”

  “Doesn’t matter the reason.”

  She looked up at him, but with his dark glasses, she couldn’t read his expression. He stared down at her, waiting. For what, she didn’t know.