His Cowboy Heart
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Epigraph
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
An Excerpt from Escape to Hope Ranch
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
About the Author
By Jennifer Ryan
Copyright
About the Publisher
Epigraph
There are people we don’t want to live without but have to let go. We hope love will bring them back. Sometimes, if we’re lucky, it does.
“Love is too precious to waste, too good to let go, and too wonderful not to enjoy.”
Grandpa Sammy
Prologue
Eleven years ago . . .
Ford stared down at his listless grandfather in the hospital bed, trying to hold back the tears stinging his eyes. Granddad’s pale face and sunken cheeks warned of his tenuous health. They didn’t know what was wrong, only that he’d collapsed in the house and lay motionless on the floor for God knew how long before Ford walked in and found him several days ago.
The same fear and crushing pressure squeezed his chest tight just thinking about it.
He and his brothers, Rory and Colt, had been taking turns staying by his side since the doctors admitted him to the hospital. Ford needed to get back to the ranch to cover for Colt so he could have his turn.
“He’s going to be fine,” the nurse assured him. “The doctors said it’s the concussion from hitting his head on the floor that’s the worst of his ailments. They’re working to get his blood pressure down and to make sure there isn’t anything else wrong with his head or heart.”
“When do we get the results of the echocardiogram and MRI?” Ford asked.
“The doctor should know in a couple of hours,” the nurse answered, touching his arm in comfort before she left the room to check on another patient.
He didn’t feel any better for it and worried more about what the results might tell them. He and his brothers feared the worst and didn’t want to admit that this brought the death of their parents too close to the surface. If they lost their grandfather and the failing ranch, what would they have left?
“It’s not your time to go.” He patted his granddad’s leg. With his heart in his throat, Ford left the room, hoping he got to see his grandfather again.
He drove home without remembering the drive at all, his thoughts on family, the ranch, and the decisions he had to make.
Some decisions had been made for him by circumstances and family obligations and love.
Jamie sat on the tailgate of her brother’s truck, sun-kissed legs swinging her tiny feet back and forth. Her face lit up when she spotted him pulling into the yard. She hopped off the end of the truck and ran to him. His heart did that funny flutter thing it did every time he saw her.
Ford slipped out of his truck and stood before the most beautiful girl in the world, her golden-red hair luminous in the sunlight, soft green eyes squinting against the harsh light beating on her pale skin. He desperately wanted to hold on to her, but knew he had no choice but to break her heart. They stood in the middle of the yard on his family’s ranch, horses roaming in the pastures, his brothers out chasing stray cattle they couldn’t afford to lose past the river. His gut tied into knots of worry about his hospitalized grandfather, sagging cattle prices, and what it all meant for his future with Jamie.
They didn’t have one.
The ache in his chest throbbed.
God, how he’d miss her pretty smile that lit up his world.
Her head tilted in that cute way it did when she studied him too closely and saw too much. “What’s wrong?”
I miss you already.
Deflecting, he asked, “What are you doing here?”
“Escaping.”
He read the hurt in her eyes too easily. “What did she do this time?”
“Same thing, different day.” Jamie huffed out an expressive sigh. “She’s impossible. And delusional. She accused me of throwing myself at my stepdad. Again.” Jamie’s lips scrunched into a sour pinch at the distasteful thought.
Her mother read into simple, innocent interactions with a twisted jealous eye, heart, and mind that had no basis on Jamie’s part or whatever guy was in the picture before Jamie’s mother drove him away. According to Jamie, it started when she was eleven after her real father left her mother for a much younger woman, never to be heard from or seen again.
“She kicked me out. Shoved me out the front door more accurately.” Jamie pulled up her sleeve and showed him the red marks on her arm.
Things were getting worse if her mother was putting her hands on Jamie. Though she wished for her family to be loving and close, it would never be. Jamie had been left to her own devices practically her whole life and done well in school and taking care of her little brother.
She’d taken care of him for more than a year. No one cared about him the way Jamie did.
She only knew how to pull it together and forge onward even when her choices were limited and none of them particularly good. He liked the way she made the best out of everything.
“I think she actually meant it when she said, ‘Don’t come back.’ ” Fear and anger darkened her eyes.
He wanted to comfort her, but didn’t because he was about to hurt her far worse than her mother ever had with her warped taunts, accusations, and empty threats. Some women weren’t meant to be mothers. Too selfish and self-centered.
Jamie was sweet, kind, and sensitive. Her mother’s disapproval sliced away at Jamie. One cut stung. A thousand made you bleed and ache and wish for it to end.
She needed it to end. Now. Before it made her as angry and bitter as her mother.
He didn’t want that for her. Jamie didn’t deserve such poor treatment. He wanted her to be happy. Always. He wanted to be the reason she was happy.
Never going to happen now.
He tried to keep her away from her mother as much as possible. He drove her into town and home from her job at the day care center. One less thing to ask of her mother. One less thing for her mother to use against her and demand she be grateful.
Jamie loved the job, playing with the children and rocking babies. Nothing made her happier than sharing all the love in her heart with those kids. She lavished that love on him, too.
She squirreled away her paychecks. She dreamed of leaving her mother’s house and living the life she wanted—a life with a bright future without the storm cloud of her mother’s negativity darkening her world.
A life that wouldn’t include him. Damn, it hurt like hell. Deeper than the ache in his chest, it ripped a searing path to his soul.
He wanted to beg her to stay here, give up everything she wanted, but he couldn�
�t do it and watch her happiness shrivel and die along with the love she felt for him.
Some things could only be fixed by doing the hard thing, even if it wasn’t what you wanted to do.
She pressed her palm to his chest. “Let’s do it, Ford. Let’s leave this place behind and buy that house with the wraparound porch on the ranch you want. You’ll run the cattle. I’ll help you with the horses. We’ll raise our own family.” She smiled sweetly, no doubt thinking of the kids they’d never have now. “I’ll plant a garden just like your mother and my grandmother did when we were kids. We’ll pick tomatoes and zucchini, cook them up, and eat together on the porch and watch the sun set.”
Her enthusiasm and the picture she painted sounded like everything he’d ever wanted, especially with her by his side. He saw her on the porch swing, a blonde baby in her arms, her smile so bright he wanted to join her rather than do anything else.
“I can’t leave.”
Her grin dimmed. “I know we talked about leaving in a couple of months, but I don’t want to wait. I can’t. I want to start my life with you. I don’t have all the money I wanted to save, but I’m close, and you’ve got what you saved. We can do it. Together.”
They’d talked about leaving. Him because he wanted her away from her mother and to start his own ranch one day. Something of his own. To take what his father taught him from birth and run his own business outside the one Rory ran on their parents’ ranch. He thought to take her to Wyoming. Far enough away they’d have their own life, but not so far he couldn’t come home to his family whenever he wanted. She could visit her brother, Zac.
He didn’t even consider it, because he couldn’t leave. But she needed to go.
She needed a guy who could go all in, hold nothing back. As much as he wanted to be, he couldn’t be that guy right now.
“I can’t go to Wyoming.”
“It doesn’t have to be there. We could visit my cousin in Georgia. Her husband is in the military. She said we could stay with them as long as we need. Her husband has a ton of friends. He can help us get jobs until we find the perfect place to settle down.”
Georgia seemed a million miles away.
“I didn’t know you were close with your cousin.”
“I’m not really now, but when we were little girls, you’d have thought we were sisters.” Excitement for her new plan filled her bright green eyes.
“Sounds like you found the perfect fresh start. I’m happy for you.”
“You’re happy for us,” she corrected, narrowing her gaze. Confusion dimmed her enthusiasm.
He gave in to his need to touch her, knowing it may be the last time he ever did, and traced his fingers down her long blonde hair. The streaks of copper shimmered in the sunlight.
Her head tilted to the side, rubbing against his palm. “Let’s leave today. I’ll go home and pack. You pack and finally tell your brothers we’re leaving.” Her eyes pleaded with him to say all the things she wanted to hear.
He’d held off saying anything to Rory and Colt because it had been the three of them since their parents died. They did everything together, including keeping this ranch running and a roof over their heads. Yes, they had their grandfather, but this place had been left to them. Now they might lose their grandfather and their home. He couldn’t walk out on them. Not when they needed him the most.
Rory would push on, working himself into an early grave. He’d take care of Grandpa Sammy and make sure he got the medical care he needed. Colt would step up, take his share of the load. But Ford couldn’t add his burden to his brothers’ shoulders and ask them to carry it for him so he could run off with his girl, no matter how much he wanted to make a life with her.
Some things just weren’t meant to be. This wasn’t meant to be right now. Maybe one day, he’d find a way to make it right.
“I’m sorry, Firefly, but I’m not going with you.” He’d given her the nickname the first time he saw her. Glowing with golden energy, it was a wonder she didn’t take off and fly.
He stuffed both hands in his pockets to keep from holding on to her.
Her brows drew together, crinkling her forehead. “What do you mean? What’s changed?”
Ford sucked it up and said what he had to say. “You want to go. You need to go. I get that, but my place is here.”
“I can wait.”
No, she couldn’t. She’d endured her mother’s torment her whole life. She deserved every happiness, but she’d never find it here.
“It’s not about when.”
“You really don’t want to go with me?” The crack in her voice tore open his heart and made it bleed.
He didn’t know if he could endure the pain before he gave in and told her the truth.
“No.” He nearly choked on the word, but he got it out. For her.
“Is that why you’ve been so distant this past week?”
Not really. Worries about the ranch and his grandfather’s poor health crowded his mind, making it near impossible to think of anything else. All the late night talks with his brothers, poring over the dwindling accounts, sorting through which bills to pay now and which to hold off, arguing about selling off a piece of land or trying to get a loan to tide them over—all of it was one big headache after the next, leaving them with few options.
He didn’t answer her question, because if he told her about his grandfather, she’d stay to help the only father figure she’d ever had in her life, but if things kept going the way they were, he’d lose the ranch and have nothing and no way to provide for her. The money he’d saved to go away with her, he had to put back into the ranch to keep it going. They’d have mounting hospital bills to overcome, too. No matter how he worked it out in his head, it was all too clear that he had to stay here and fight for his family’s ranch and do whatever he had to do to make sure his grandfather got the care he needed.
Jamie stepped close and put her hand on his chest again. “I love you. I don’t want to go without you.”
His heart thrashed against his ribs. Sure she felt it, he didn’t let his roiling emotions show on his face. He had to do this clean, so she’d go with no regrets and move on with her life.
“Like you said, you’ll stay with your cousin. Find a job. Start a new life in a new place.”
“I thought that life included you, the home we dreamed about, the family we both want.”
I wish, but not anymore.
His chest went tight. He barely managed his next words. “You’ll be fine on your own. You’ll figure out what you really want once you’re away from here. I’m a rancher. This is where I belong.”
“You really don’t want to go with me.” The disbelief in her whispered statement tore another strip off his battered heart.
Ford didn’t move a muscle. He didn’t answer that statement by word or deed, because the honest to God truth was that he did want to go with her. Hell, he just wanted to be with her, here, there, anywhere.
“Did I do something? Say something? If I did, I’m sorry.” Tears glistened in her eyes as she struggled to come to some kind of understanding of why he’d do this to her.
Her mother always made her feel like everything was her fault. He hated to do this to her. Hated it. Hated himself for putting her through this.
He choked back his emotions. Had to. For her. “We were great together, but now you need to go. I get it. I’m sorry to see you leave, but I guess this was always the way it ended.”
Someone should shoot him. Put him out of his misery. Avenge her for his making this seem like it was her fault. He didn’t know if he had the resolve to keep this up much longer. She needed to go before he took her in his arms and begged her to forgive him for being an asshole. Before he begged her to stay with him even though she needed out.
He wouldn’t trap his Firefly in a cage and watch her beautiful spirit and light dim and die.
He loved his family, the ranch his parents left to them, but sometimes it was a heavy burden, despite it being his heart
and soul.
She opened her mouth to say something, but he cut her off. “Pack your bags. Leave today like you wanted. Get away from her, this place, all the bad memories, and start your life.”
Jamie shook her head, golden-red hair swishing across her back and shoulders. Tears glistened in her eyes. “Why are you doing this?” Her voice cracked with the plea in that complicated question.
“You want to go. I need to stay.” That’s as close as he’d come to telling her the truth. “Go, Firefly. Fly away.”
Chapter 1
Eleven years later—Fourth of July . . .
I’m flying. Nope. Arms out wide, a bullet slammed into her chest and sent her falling backward off the side of the armored vehicle. Another bullet ripped through her side. One more through her left thigh like a blazing lightning bolt. She hit the ground on her shoulders before her ass smacked the pavement and her head bounced, ripping off her helmet as she slid across the ground on her burned back. She gasped for a breath that felt like sucking in fire that seared its way through every cell in her body.
She stared up at the dark figure who had sprayed bullets everywhere, staring down at her with the automatic weapon pointed at her heart. The need to stop him and a deep sense of failure overwhelmed the pain.
She sat bolt upright, gun in hand pointed at the closed bedroom door in her grandparents’ old house, breathing hard, sweat rolling down the side of her face, and cussing herself out for blurring her present reality and the past again.
This was good ol’ Montana, not some insurgent infested town in Afghanistan.
Fucking nightmares.
She dropped her hand and smacked the gun on her knee. The small pain helped to fade the last of the nightmare, the echo of pain that mixed with the real pain throbbing through her body, and settled her in reality. She focused on the door again and the three bullet holes she’d put in it the last week she’d been living here after her family kicked her out of their house, because they couldn’t deal with her erratic behavior, short temper, and potentially lethal insanity.
“At least I didn’t shoot this time.”